Waiting
She waited patiently for someone.
She wasn’t sure whose turn it was to give her the medication, but the pain had
reached a point where she knew it was time. She was never one to ask for help, she helped
others…she was not used to waiting for others to help her. Sickness had
overwhelmed her to a point where she was unable to leave her bed.
It took every ounce of energy she
had to sit up in bed. She wanted to be ready, to at least appear she was as
good as she could be. Someone came in and gave her the desperately needed drugs.
She hated needing to be on drugs, it was never her way. She smiled at the ones
who gave her the medication, she smiled at everyone who came into the last room
she would ever know in this world. She wanted to ease the pain she saw in their
eyes but she felt the medication take
her and she had to lie back down.
Lying down was sometimes the
hardest part. The drugs took the edge off the pain, but it was always there and keeping
her from being completely comfortable. She felt herself drift, not fully
asleep, but not fully awake. As always, she heard the familiar noises in the
house and the voices of the ones she loved. In a short time, she felt disconnected from the sounds and movements as it often felt as the drugs took a hold of her.
In an unknown amount of time, she felt someone enter the room. She was sure the drugs had taken her further than they normally did because she
felt a little more at ease. She wanted to tell the person in the room she was
feeling a little better but she was unable to talk and unable to move. She heard
more movement in the room and hear the voices and some were softly crying. She didn’t know why
everyone was so sad, it was the best she felt in a long time.
She found a position that didn’t
hurt and she drifted even further. The crying in the room sounded so far away
she could barely hear it. It was almost a memory, something she might remember
later...but right now, she felt the pull of the sleep that was relentless.
As she felt herself waking up she thought it must
be the drugs that was wearing off. She braced for the
inevitable pain that happened after the pain medication wore off. As she lie
there, she heard sounds that did not sound like her bedroom. The sounds of a
gentle breeze, of birds…of movement that only comes from being outside. She believed she could even feel the sun on her cheek.
She thought it must be a dream because she
would never be outside again, which meant nothing she felt was real and it was all
part of a beautiful dream. The sounds around her didn't change and she believe there was even a fly buzzing around her head. She thought this was the most realistic dream she had ever experienced and it was the best she
had felt in a very long time. She heard a voice inside her telling her to get
up and walk, but the other part said she was stuck in bed, unable to move. Still
she tried…she willed her body to move, just a little. She reached her hand out
and she felt grass. Impossibly, she felt the warmth of the sun on her body and it
was a feeling she thought she would never feel again.
Slowly, she opened her eyes The
colors of the day were so bright it made her smile. She could smell the grass.
She could smell nearby flowers that reminded her of her childhood. She heard
birds she had not heard since she was a little girl. She knew where she was
long before she stood up. It was her favorite place to go when she was a child.
The thought of being in her bed and
dying was a distant thought as she walked around the area hidden in the trees. It was her
favorite place to be alone as a child. A place close enough to home where they
would not miss her, but far enough where no one knew where it was. It was her
place of peace, before….she couldn’t grasp the idea of before what, but she
knew it was a time before…
Suddenly she knew where she had to go, her memory told her it
was a short distance, a short way across the field. She began to run. Part of
her thought she was too old to run at top speed, but her legs just pumped
forward and she did not have a care in the world. She felt like she could run
forever.
Soon she reached a house. She knew
the house, it was where she lived before (the war?). She smiled as she
approached the house, she knew every inch of it. She walked toward the front
door, but it opened before she got there. Standing before her was her mother.
She was wearing her apron and a babuska. The smile on her face was one of utter
joy as her mother opened her arms….and the woman ran into the embrace.
It was an amazing feeling, she felt
she was a girl, a young woman, and an adult all at once. She smelled all the
familiar smells she associated with her mom. The smell of food in a kitchen,
scents of the garden she tended, the inevitable smell laundry drying on a line.
She forgot how much she missed those smells, how much she loved those smells.
As she hugged her mother, she felt
another presence. Before the arms embraced them both, she knew it was her
father. His large arms encircled them both. She felt safe with them there.
There was no war to tear them apart, there was no distance, there was no pain.
There was only them and they were all together.
She pulled away from the embrace to
look at them. She felt her father’s hands cup her face and kiss her forehead.
She saw him through the eyes of an adult he never saw. She threw her arms
around him and hugged the man she never knew.
No one was speaking, no words needed to be said, only the love they shared. She realized that even when they left her, when they were apart, their
love for her followed her everywhere she went.
She pulled away from them, grasping
their hands and breathed in the fresh air. There was never a day she felt like
this, never a time felt as good as this. She grabbed her parents by the hand
and started to walk across the field. The warmth of the sun drew further out,
she didn’t know exactly the direction she was going, but she knew it was the
right direction.
On the edge of the field, she saw
some people show she did not recognize immediately. They walked to her parents
first and then they stood in front of her. She realized they were her
grandparents, and they were gone before she could remember them, but she knew
who they were. They took her by the hands, and she felt herself as a child, a
young woman, and an adult. They beamed at her for all they saw and she sat with
them for a while.
She felt the urge to walk again.
There was another place in the distance that was beckoning to her. She felt her
family close behind her as her pace quickened. There was a flickering light
that grew bigger as she grew closer. Soon she recognized it as a large bonfire,
and sitting in front of it were 2 young girls. Immediately she recognized them
and she thought how young they were when they passed away.
She watched as the 2 young girls
put aside the rings of flowers they were making and straighten the ones on
their head as they stood up and faced her. The woman asked the pair who they
were making the other rings for and the girls smiled and said it was for the
ones not there yet. The woman asked the younger girls, how will you know where
to find them? The younger girl answered she would find them in the apple trees,
she just had to be patient. Then the woman asked the older girl how would she
find the ones she is waiting for. The older girl brushed aside her long hair
and answered that she would hear them singing long before she would see them.
Both girls said all they had to do was be patient, to wait.
The woman hugged the girls, she
felt a familiar happiness. Beyond the fire she saw a woman with an easel,
painting the picture she saw before her. And next to her was a man with his
hand on her shoulder. They waved at the women and she waved back, remembering
the love they all shared.
Time was passing and the women then
felt an urgency to be somewhere, but she did not know how to get there. She
turned and looked around and saw the familiar figures around here. They were
all milling around, grabbing hands and hugging.
So many familiar faces in so many stages of her memory and past what she
could remember. There was so much joy that she did not want to leave the groups
of people, but she also felt that if she did, she would find them when she
needed them. So she walked on her own and no one followed her.
On a small ridge she saw another
group gathering and a tall man was in the center. The love she felt swelling up
made her start towards him and she saw him turn his head towards her. She began
to run toward him with open arms and she saw him run towards her. With all the
strength he had as a young man, he swept her up in his and spun her around.
When he put her down, she felt the embrace of the man she had woke up next to
for more than 60 years and felt his lips press on her forehead and she knew
they would never have to part again.
The woman could not say how long
they were separated, time seemed to pass in this place, but it was not a linear
time. Everyone was old and young all at once. The frailties that people had in
the past were gone. She knew some of the
people she only had known as a child, and others never knew her as an adult,
but here they all were together at the same time and the same place.
She walked with her husband, hand
in hand when he stopped and turned and smiled at her. She suddenly felt arms
reach around her and she felt the laughter begin to shake her body before she
heard it. She turned and looked at her brother and her hands flew to her face. He
was someone she knew she would see here, but it was someone that reminded her
of all of the ones that were not there yet. She grabbed his hands and beamed at
him, then he let go of her hands and drew her in for an embrace. She did not
know how long it was when they parted, only that she felt him even after he
left.
She had spent enough time in this
place it began to feel familiar, like this is where she was always meant to
be. Even though she greeted more people
she never felt crowded and she was never alone. She never became tired, she
didn’t need to sleep, but she knew she needed to greet those that woke up so
they were not alone.
There was a soft pull at her hand
and she looked at her husband and she knew it was time. He looked at her and
smiled and kissed her forehead. They walked toward a house that she remembered
they lived in when they were young, the one they made their home. They walked
slowly towards, not sure of exactly who they were expecting, but just knowing
they had to be there right now.
They walked into the back and they
watched as two small figures looked around their childhood yard. Both of the
figures turned and looked at the woman and her man approach them. Without
hesitation they ran to the couple and they all embraced. She could feel them as
the children they raised and as the adults they become. There was no sadness,
only the love they felt. She did not know how long they waited for them to get
there, but she was happy they arrived. They stood in a circle holding hands. As
they turned and looked with questioning eyes around them, she held their hands
tight. She knew there were others coming and they would find them. So they began to patiently wait.
